It still hurt badly...

I felt as if someone had driven a sharp knife into my heart, stabbing my soul. I was speechless; I could not believe that this was actually happening. He said that he is in love with her since two years back... and "I too love you da" He said pausing, "But only as a friend". I started shivering uncontrollably, even though it was a warm evening. I leaned against a wall for support. I was shattered to say the least. It’s all over, I told myself. Everything is finished.

I wondered how he could do this to me. This was the same guy who had once supported me through a very difficult phase in life. The same guy who went out of his way to make things easier for me. The same one who used to tell me how much he loved me and what I meant to him. And now, he had dumped me like a piece of garbage. I shut my eyes tightly in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the tears from flowing. It still felt too horrible to be true.

All the moments we had once shared came back to me... all the words we have spoken....  He initiated a friendship which was growing deep. " I love you so much, you can never know what you mean to me. Don't ever leave me.", he said. I promised myself I never would even though I was keeping silent as answer. At that time, I believed that he was the love of my life and that our relationship would last forever.


I was wrong. The break up was inevitable and I should have seen it coming. Lately he had not been the same person I had once fallen in love with. He had changed a lot over time, fallen in love with her, but I had been forcing myself to believe that he was still the same. I suddenly realized something; It was not HIM I had been in love with, it was what I thought he was. I had been in love with an illusion, which was broken now. I got to know from his own mouth saying that HE is in love with her.

I don't remember for how long I cried, the tears just would not stop. So many things came to mind all at once. Why did I ever let him manipulate my feelings? Why did I trust him so blindly? Why did I give him so much power that he could hurt me so badly? There had been a time when I used to give in to his emotional blackmail, patiently tolerated his mood swings and put up with his indifferent behavior. I had been too madly in love with him that I wanted to be there for him whenever he needed me. Even if it meant getting hurt myself. Not all was bad in our relationship, though the tears greatly outnumbered the smiles. The quarrels we had were never seemed to be an issue for me, they seemed to be adding more love to my love... but unfortunately, not for HIM.


It still hurt badly. Even if the love had been an illusion, the heartbreak was real. You can never love someone who does not deserve it, but you can get addicted. And I was badly addicted to him. My mornings began with his thoughts, he occupied my mind throughout the day, and he was the one I prayed for before going to sleep. His voice echoed in my ears all day long, and it was him before my eyes even when he was not there. In pursuing him, I had lost myself. That’s why I was feeling so lifeless when he left me. I had no life of my own!


He is no longer in my life, I have to change my mind... have to pursue my hobbies. I got a bundle of books I had been planning to read for long.... I'm planning to spend more time in the company with my new friends. Getting over a past relationship is like overcoming an addiction, I need to keep myself so busy that I don't go back to my old ways.  I wanted to move on, but HE still wants to be friends. I'm in my best efforts to avoid him. This so-called friendship hurt even more than getting dumped. My decision is correct this time, not like before... I can't even still believe me why I trusted him blindly...


Sometimes life teaches you lessons in such a painful way that you can never forget. With time the wounds heal and fade away. All that remains are the sweet memories of a distant past. Why my love ended in such a bitter way? Hope I would be able to recall at least some of the sweet memories I have spent with him after few years....